Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Can I get a gimme?

If you haven't noticed, the state of Colorado is on fire...Thankfully, it's not our turn and we can watch from the distance.  Thankfully, this time.

I think of it like all other bad things...it can and probably will happen to you at some time or another.  Someone you love will get cancer, your teenager will act up, you'll lose a job, or maybe you'll divorce.  It seems to me that everyone has something that rocks their world and no one gets a "gimme".

About 20 days ago, I got the honor of taking care of a friend. Typically when I am called to take care of you...it's not good.  And, it wasn't.  He was dying and that was that.  He didn't want to, his wife didn't want him to and I wished that I wasn't the one to help him get there.

But as we all know who have experienced terrible things in life...no one gives you a choice.  You have to try to deal with the aftermath be what it may.  So that is what we set out to do.  We were going to be a team, the family and I and make the last days as comfortable and as dignified as he would want them plus some.

Finally, he was done and ready to go.  He passed gently and quietly with his family at his bedside holding him tightly...but not too tight so as to try to keep him here.  

Sometimes when I have time to think, I have these weird thoughts.  These fires...would I trade all my stuff for some of these folks to have more time?  Would I pick fire and the depression and sadness that comes with losing everything for another 6 months with the one I love?  Seems like an easy answer but then again, we don't get to pick...never do.

When I get thinking too hard, the only thing I know to do is pray.  I pray that God hears me and fixes things.  I pray for peace, for families after a terrible loss, for a gentle passing, for safety for all those who want it and for strength for those who need it.  Yep, I turn into a good hypocritical church lady...calling on God in times of need.  

Thank goodness, sometimes when I am the farthest away from God, when I haven't given prayer or church a single thought, my prayers get answered.  It happened like that last week.  I prayed so hard for peace and comfort and thought since it was so hard to come by, that it just wasn't to be.  But, in the wee hours of the morning, while the family slept, peace and comfort snuck in and made the end gentle and lovely.  That was an answer to prayer.

I guess I got a gimme...
We'll tawk tomorrow,
I love you all,

1 comment:

janzi said...

What a joy it is to read your blog despite the fact that you touch on very serious things.... I read how much love you give out and receive back, how your family love and respect you, and how you bring comfort to those who are very scared and help get them a quiet leaving.. I thank you for sharing and know how much good you do in your own way. dont worry about having an empty nest, they do come back, and its time for you and him together to do things and not be so time based.. you will in fact enjoy quite a bit of freedom. and I know that you are worth it, as they say!!! hugs from across the pond- j