Processes...

I want to show you a picture of me.  The true, unadulterated, not the best picture of me.  I always joke about being "heavy" and how I struggle but its okay.  I think, 10 pounds ago, it was still okay.  But, you know what, it isn't okay anymore.

I have become "obese".  I know, all of my friends are kind and say, "you look okay, you don't look fat..blah, blah, blah" and while I appreciate the kindness and politeness, I have become very large.    I am not writing this for sympathy either...I am writing this as a call to action for myself.

On Monday, I started a program at a gym by my work.  The gym is called "Nick's Pro Fitness"  and I already belong to the gym.  This is different because Nick keeps you accountable...to your  goals that you set, your fitness potential and the the voices that tell you that it is impossible.

I went yesterday to start my workout.  I was in a big, hot room with about 30 others.  It was obvious to all that I was the new girl (not only by my size) but because I was wondering if I would make it through the work out.  It was one of the hardest work outs I have done in my life and when it was over, I was so happy I made it.  Then I met with Nick to set goals and get going.

Today was even more difficult for me.  I was sore and fatigued from the day before and he called me up to the scale and weighed me.  He didn't shout it out, thank God, but it still was a sobering thing.
I got down on my hands and knees and started doing the mountain climbers, push ups, sit ups and all kinds of other things that pushed me to the limit.  I made it through day 2.

After the workout, he talks for a few minutes about how the work out was and what he thinks.  Today, the talk resonated with me...
He talked about processes and how everything in life is a process.  I know when I talk about death at home, I use that word alot.  Today, it applied to health and weight loss, he said.  He spoke about how you have to do what it takes to reach your goals and you will... if you exercise and eat right, you will have health.  He also talked about how if you don't do what it takes, there is no way that you will have health even if you get lucky for awhile. 

I have been fooling myself for awhile...a lot of years.  I can carry alot of weight and still look okay, but I'm not okay.  My blood pressure is up, I'm having headaches and I have gotten totally out of shape.  That changes yesterday.  I am doing this for a month...a whole month of being accountable.

Why, why do it?  I'll tell you why...because all or nothing is not working.  It's just not.  Because getting short of breath walking up the stairs is not okay.  I used to be an athlete...and I am a middle aged woman now.  The worst thing about being so big is the fact that I am having trouble keeping up with my teenagers.  For me, there is nothing better than hanging with them doing stuff and I would run out of gas.

I need accountability...tons of it. 

I am headed to bed and am so sore that I can hardly move.  That's gotta be good for you, right?

We'll tawk tommorrow,
I love you all,
Terry