I woke up at 7:45 this morning, sat and drank coffee and pondered the time that was unscheduled before me. What to do with most of a Saturday...
As I was sitting at the table, my teenager noted that the kitchen smelled...like garbage, Mom...haven't I noticed? Uh...yeah...someone should take out the garbage, I thought.
But, to be honest, I let the house go. It was dusty, cluttered and the floor was like a bar after a long night of drunks spilling beer...filthy.
The laundry was piled up and I can't remember the last time I changed the sheets on my bed. I have been going at a pace that affords me to ignore most everything except how tired I am and after dinner...all I can think about is bed.
I began in the kitchen, gathering dirty dishes and recyclables to go in the dishwasher and garage. That made a dent in the clutter but underneath it all was pretty bad. The counters were filthy and gritty and it took two swipes to get them clean. I was on a roll so I kept going.
Once I got the kitchen done, I swept and mopped the floor. I told my husband that if he walked in the house with his shoes...I would kill him. I, the maid, was cleaning and he better watch out. I think he understood because he stayed in the garage the rest of the day.
When I was finished or should I say I was done for the day, the house looked pretty good. I also made a pot of meatballs for pasta tonight and it was outstanding. I was amazed at what I can get done when I have a moment.
Here's the thing...I have been choosing "not to have a moment" my whole mothering life. If I had a choice between doing something or watching something that my kids are doing or staying home and doing chores...the chores can wait. Sometimes I can get away with it cleanliness-wise and sometimes I can't. This was a week that I could not.
I can honestly say, I love a clean house. I love to look around and not see dust and dander, to walk on the floor with bare feet and not feel grit and to cook in a clean kitchen. Too bad it doesn't last very long but for the moment, I am basking in clean...
Not to change the subject but I am going to...
I love living in Colorado. I think it is an awesome place to raise kids. To say that I am devastated along with most of Colorado by the latest crime is an understatement. This is one the worst crimes...the killing and dismembering of a regular 10 year old girl that was walking to school. How could anyone be so cruel, crazy or just plain mad? From all accounts, this kid was nothing but a normal 10 year old girl loving her family, her elementary school and playing with her buddies. Why this happened to her is a mystery. The scary thing is, this crazy guy is probably still out there...watching other kids and possibly planning his next hit. I hope they catch him soon and put him away for life.
On Thursday, Jim, Howie and I went up to Boulder to see the Buffs play and mostly watch the marching band. My two are in band and seem to be having the time of their life. I was so happy to see them and they both looked so happy...a mother's dream. The football team, by the way, stunk it up but as the Queen always says, "Band team always wins" and they sure did on Thursday night.
I am busy at work which means that I have folks that are living their last days. My patients seem to be doing really well, being really brave and making sure that they make every day count. I have been trying desperately to learn from them but have been fighting a little bit of what I call "purple funk". The weather is changing, I cut down on my exercise time from 6 days a week to 5 and have put on a few pounds...all in the mid-section. This middle age, pre/peri-menopause stuff is for the birds. I want my vim and vigor of my late thirties/early forties back!!!
Back to death and dying and I will wrap this up.
Typically, when a family has a loved one at home, they get to a place of acceptance and wish that the person would go so they won't suffer anymore or so they don't have to be the shell of the former self. I tell them, actually every family, that the person will die as they lived. If they were tough and they went at life on their terms, they are gonna die that way. Death and birth are a lot alike, it is a process.
I think living our life is a process too. We get up in the morning, go about our business, try to do the best we can and go to bed. We take care of babies, the house, our job, our spouse and time marches on.
Speaking only for me, I notice the passage of time more keenly as I watch my kids leave the nest, my body and energy change and more and more folks leave either this earth or to try new paths. It makes me think about being more aware of everything, letting things go that don't matter and making sure that folks know I care about them...a lot.
So while I love a clean house...gonna let that go because when I am in the living room in my hospital bed with my kids and grand kids tending to me because I am in my last days...hopefully I won't care if the floor has been mopped or the counters have grit. Hopefully I will think, I didn't waste a bunch of time worrying about that!
Sorry about rambling on...
We'll tawk soon,
I love you all,