I have been home for 5 days now from my trip. I seem to feel more exhausted with the passing of each day. Tonight, I came home from work and just sat on the couch until dinner and then went up to lay down on my bed. Just so tired...
I don't have time to be this tired...really. I still have patients to see, sons to drive to baseball, a house to try to keep clean and life to live. The thought of all of this is overwhelming. Yet...I just came back from a place that was so poor that they had nothing to do. They sat in plastic chairs, nursing babies with their feet in the mud, without the daddy's around to help them, without the hope of a job. They did with out decent medical care, with out water to drink that doesn't make one ill...and I am complaining of being tired.
Interesting feelings all of this evokes. I should be eternally grateful and be thanking God and my lucky stars for what I have. I should be jumping out of bed in the morning, heading to my exercise class and then going to work...cheering at my son's games and being happy. But you know what? I'm not...frankly, I think I am a little depressed and confused.
So there...I said it. I am down, depressed...confused. Why though? I can't understand why. Is it the menopause thing and I have trouble handling life? Is it a let down because I was so productive there and here I am not? Or...am I an overweight, 47 year old woman who just can't work that hard anymore?
All I know is...it's time to perk up. To be thankful for the life I have here. I gotta set the alarm and get out of bed and get going. Tommorrow morning, I am going to say good bye to the thoughts at the pity party and figure it out. That is what I am gonna do.
But...to be honest, I am so tired I'm gonna go to bed.
We'll tawk tommorrow,
I love you all,