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Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Exercise...Smexercise...

It's no secret that I have had an amazing summer.  Amazing and gluttonous.  But very wonderful.  I didn't pass up a plate of anything that went by me or a drink that was handed to me.  Why should I?  It's summer!

Well, it aint' summer anymore.  On Monday, my youngest hit high school and Tuesday morning, I was left sitting at my kitchen table thinking about seeing my first patient at 9am.  I drank my coffee and tried to quiet those pesky voices in my head.  "You can do it...again" they said.   Finally I got up, got my gym clothes on and got in the car.  I had not exercised since May in any fashion.  Well, I could count walking on the beach in Hawaii but I didn't want to walk too fast lest I spill  the cocktail in my hand.  Anyway, I was nervous.  Last year, at this time, in this same fashion, the teacher was new and started asking me if I was going to be okay and ways to modify so the exercises weren't too hard.  I call that my yearly "calling out the big girl in the back of the room."  I really wanted to avoid that this year...I really did.

I walked into the gym with my dark sunglasses on.  The lady at the desk noticed me immediately..."Hi, Terry, where have you been?"  "I took the summer off" I said and watched her face as she tried not to notice the enlarged size of my rear end.  I thought of how that would go in my family..."OH my gawd, did you see Terry?  She blew up" and the conversation would go from there.  "OK" I thought, "I made it through the door and by the desk".  Now to the locker room.  I kept my sunglasses on and my head low.  It seemed like every corner, I saw one of my "gym buddies" that still looked the same.  "Hey, long time no see, did you have a good summer?" they would ask to which I replied..."Doesn't it look like it?"  and they would laugh.  Ok...nothing I couldn't deal with.

In the locker room, I saw the teacher.  This lady has an amazing body and she is nice too.  "Hi," I said and thought to myself, let's cut to the chase..."I haven't moved since May except to get on and off a barstool so if I drop dead in the class...DO NOT RESUSCITATE!  I will be in the back of the room and I will be okay even if I don't look okay."  She laughed, gave me the "she blew up" look and said OK.

The class started and I was in the back of the room.  We stretched and went right into sit ups, push ups and core stuff.  I kept up for about 10 reps when my stomach started to burn..."20 more" I heard.  "Oh dear God, I may die today" I thought.  Then we flipped over and did these push ups called Spiderman push ups..."yeah right."  But I tried and before I knew it, we were headed outside for the boot camp portion.  "Lunge to the end of the field, do 10 up-downs and then sprint back" I heard coming out of the lovely hole in her face.  "I can do this" I thought.  I was slow and the last one every time but I did the 20 minutes of pure hell.  I did not throw up but felt a little in my mouth.  "Lovely" I thought...and we were back in the room.  "Just a little longer and we'll stretch" I heard and willed my big rear end to move.  "Let's do 5 sets of 20 mountain climbers, 20 push ups, and 20 jump squats and we are done.  We'll stretch".  I attempted to do what I could and when it was over I looked at my face...redder than the most ripe tomato and my hair was soaking wet.  I looked like I was on the verge of a heart attack and bless that instructors heart for not calling 911!  "Done" I thought and limped to the locker room, showered and went to see my patients.

Then later in the day came.  I tried to get out of the car and already had stiffened up.  I got through the night and went to bed.  I just needed to lay down.

This morning, when I started to get out of bed, I must have moaned because my  husband asked me what was wrong.  "Nothing" I said "Why?"  "You just whimpered when you got out of bed"...well, let me tell you, that was the wrong thing to say to me.  "I DON'T SEE YOU MOVING LET ALONE GOING TO AN EXERCISE CLASS TO GET IN SHAPE"  I snapped and walked away.  He did not say another word this morning to me. 

They say we have muscle memory and I guess I do have some.  I did make it through the day and every time I kneeled down to look at a patient's foot or do a deep knee bend, I was reminded of my age and the class.  But hey, I made it and that is good. 

Every year its the same and of course, I never learn...or maybe I do.  Maybe, this helps me know that "the bigger they are the harder they fall' or "there's no fool like an old fool" but at least there is that muscle memory to fall back on.

We'll tawk tommorrow,
I love you all,
Terry

4 comments:

Amber Lea Easton said...

Barstools are usually more fun than boot camps. I completely understand where you're coming from here. LOL Good for you to get back into it! Good luck.

Lo said...

Oy....my abs and glutes salute you.

Elizabeth said...

Oh, my god -- this was so funny and so scary to me. I am in the same boat and am waiting until September 7th when my boys go back to school. It's going to be scary.

Terry Joy said...

Amber...
Thanks for the support. I have to say I can hardly walk today, you know, the day 2 lactic acid buildup! Take care and congrats on the book!

Lo...
Thank God your abs and glutes are saluting because at this point, I have none.

Elizabeth...
You are my hero...exercise or not.
Getting on and off a barstool is a form of exercise you know. Have a great day and enjoy those last sweet days of summer.