Thursday, January 12, 2012
Thoughts on a cold January morning...
I gave the dog leftover cheese cake last night because he was being such a good boy. The boys noticed and said, "Mom, he's gonna "shart" all over his kennel" to which I replied..."No he won't." My oldest son, while getting ready to go to school came up to my office and said, "Mom, I told you not to give him that cheese cake." Oh well, another thing to do today.
What is the big deal with Tebow...so he prays, he kneels and he thanks "his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ" and his teammates after every game...I guess I don't get what the big deal is. The kid is a conservative Christian and this is what he does. Do I think God gives a rip about the Bronco's? I really don't think so. When I sit with a dying person and wish that God intervene, I am not expecting a direct answer...just the comfort of faith. I am glad that Tebow feels comfortable to practice his beliefs and I am glad that I can practice mine...I guess I just don't understand what the big deal is about all of it. Faith is faith to different people and we live in a country where we can choose so what is the big deal?
Since last week, I have been uninspired and tired. My soul is weak and sad, to be honest. The job gets to me sometimes as it gets to all of us in this profession. So I am overeating, overdrinking, overthinking and going to bed early. I am waiting to come out of it...and I will...I always do.
The holidays were good, but quiet. I can't believe 12 days have gone by and I still haven't gotten a firm grip on what 2012 is going to look like. I used to be organized, get kids to swimming lessons, work out, play dates and then come home, put on scrubs and go to work in ICU. Not any more. I come home some days...lets be honest...most days, sit on the couch and read the paper. My eyes get heavy because of the sun pouring in the dirty windows, and I turn around and sleep. Problem is, I usually pick the small couch so I wake up 45 minutes later with a stiff neck and a numb arm. Yup...that is my routine these days.
The stomach bug ran through the house like a shot last weekend too. My older son, after moonlight sledding, came home and didn't look good. Someone quietly let me know he hit his head and that's what was wrong. Because I am a nurse and because I am irrational, I checked his pupils and sat watching him alot of the night. Finally, although the house was rockin' with friends, he went to bed. In my head, I decided he had an epidural hematoma and worried subconsciously all night. The next morning, when he was alert and oriented times 3, no headache and very normal but puking his guts up...it was decided that he had the stomach crud. He became one with the couch, the bucket and the TV while he sipped sprite and puked. Then, the Queen came home from her workout a nice shade of green. She too, became one with the couch, TV and bucket for two days. My youngest and I did a fist bump in solidarity that we wouldn't get sick like those two squares. So far, so good.
I have mentioned that I have a partially torn achilles..on my right heel. I went to a chiropractor and she told me that diagnosis...so it may or may not be so. But, what I do know is that I hobble out of bed every morning and until it stretches out, it hurts. My heel is tender to touch and I can't run...I can only spin and to spin, I need the pants and the shoes. I have been spinning on and off without those for about 6 months and it seems to me I would be in less pain in other areas of my body. Everyone I talk to mentions that I should see a doctor but if I go to the doctor, I have to weigh and he will tell me I am fat. I know that but I hate when other folks tell me...the only thing keeping me away from help except that I may have to wear a boot or have surgery. So I soldier on with the aches and pains of getting old and frail.
The other struggle about being fat for me, is that eventually you get thin when you are dying. I am studying for the certification for Hospice and Palliative care nursing and the "constellation" of impending death is that the person is less responsive and stops eating. So we all stop eating at some point, right? I talked alot about this with my younger patient that just died. She battled her weight from the time she had kids until she died. She wanted to be thinner but never got there. Well...she died pretty slim...
The Queen is going to the dentist today to get a few (4) cavities filled. Dude, how does one get all those cavities? Oh well, she will be all tuned up for her next semester at college.
I am headed to Hernando Beach next week. We are having a family reunion of sorts. We, Joy girls, call it the Ya Ya sisterhood. The three of us get together and hot tub, drink, eat and talk about life...the family, our families and how things are going. I love these times especially when the temperature in Colorado is 7 degrees and the ground is frozen...Hernando Beach looks real good.
Well, I have a few patients to see and things to do today. That's it from the cold mountains of Colorado today.
We'll tawk tommorrow,
I love you all,