I seem to be writing alot about death lately, and it just keeps coming at me. Last Tuesday night, surrounded by her family, my sweet tractor lady passed away to drive the perfect John Deere in the sky. Her family loved her and cared for her beautifully. Like I always say with these families, I can only hope to have the care that she got in the end.
The thing is...alot of life happens when people are dying. Families step up or step down, bridges that were burned are rebuilt and sometimes they are just ashes. Time is spent in the room of the dying person, holding their hand, telling them of deep love, and laughing about the good times. Lessons are learned of whats important, what is in our control and what needs to be kicked to the curb so it doesn't get in the way. We learn that when we say we can't...quite often...we can. I have family members that say that they can't do "this" and then when the time comes...they are and doing it and with a love and gentleness that they never knew they were capable of.
It's been a crazy week. I hit the ground running on Monday...wanted to immerse myself in work and see all of my patients that I left for two weeks. They were glad to see me and so worried about me because I had experienced a sadness that they are waiting for. So loving and kind, all of these folks to me...
I was up until 3 am with my sweet tractor lady's family on Wednesday morning, remembering, crying and being together. It was such an honor and blessing to me that I could care for her and them...a gift really. I went home and slept until 6, got up and by 8 was seeing folks again. Seems to me that these patients and families do as much for me as I do for them....Interesting, huh?
While I work, it seems my kids are growing up faster. My oldest son is so busy these days, with school, a play, baseball and a girlfriend. On Wednesday at church, I had to leave because I was starting to sob, he comforted me like no one else could...I'm a lucky mom. While my older son is pulling away, my younger son is getting more social. This weekend, he is on a retreat where he gets to help people...while hanging with his buddies...and he loves that. And while I am talking about kids, the Queen and I are going to shop tommorrow and have lunch since her 20th birthday is next week and she is at college an hour away.
The best thing about having older kids though, is time spent with my best friend...Jim. The last month has been a busy one and we haven't spent a whole lot of time together and we really haven't talked too much. I miss him and with the experiences of the last few weeks, find that I need to tell him how much he means to me...Funny how life is like that.
As I write this I hear the garage door open and my buddy is home. I think I'll get going and enjoy what I have, count my blessing and hope for the best. I learn day after day that we can only control what is in our control and the rest we have to make the best of it.
We'll tawk tommorow,
I love you all,