Thursday, April 14, 2011

The Goings On in my World

Last Saturday night was the prom...my son and his girl got all dressed up and went.  They looked great and I was so proud of them.  I would post a picture but I no longer seem to be able to post pictures.  Oh well...

Sunday went by with our usual church schedule and then the prom boy slept most of the day away.  I, of course, was up alot of the night because I was nervous about having a kid out all night...so I napped on Sunday as well.

Then came Monday.  I had recieved a call last week from my medical provider..."need to get additional views...your mammogram was abnormal"
I made the appointment for Monday at 1:05 and by the time I got there, my heart was in my throat.  I know the odds and the statistics and what to do to avoid breast cancer.  But...there are no guarantees and I also understand that.  I got there early and they called me in.  I put on the drape and bellied up to the mammogram machine.  The technician was kind and gentle but there is nothing fun about pushing up against a flat metal machine and then having a stranger grab you and pull on you...then rachet down the top and flatten you.  She would take a picture and then go over to the computer, look at it, and then start again.  It had to be 5 times before she decided to take the pictures to the radiologist.  Then she told me that I would have an answer  before I go home and I would know what way this was going.  That conversation scared me to death.  OK, I thought, I will be fine.  I will handle what ever she says and I will be brave but I could feel my heart in my throat.  I sat there with the cape on for what seemed like an eternity.  I looked at my phone, I dialed my husband, I took my shoes on and off and then I just put my head in my hands and waited.  I heard her approach my curtained dressing room and she said...Terry, you can go...we figured out what we saw and we will see you next year.  I quickly put my bra and shirt on and ran out of the building.  When I got outside, I started to cry.  I was so scared...so vulnerable and so aware that it could have been me that got the bad news. 

I am getting to the age when you hope they don't find anything.  I also have a wild imagination and being a nurse, I know way too much.  Every ache and pain on me is possible cancer and every test is going to be something bad.  I just know it.  I don't even like going to the dentist because my teeth are falling apart too.  But, I got through the tests and feel like I dodged a bullet with this check up.

On Tuesday, I worked and then had meetings to go to.  I came home and dropped off my youngest and on the way in, the neighbors dog must have ran out and bounced off of my car.  I wasn't sure I hit her but I knew I hit something.  Needless to say, that was unplanned.  Sadly, she needed some surgery and is recovering at this time.  Great, huh? 

Yesterday, I worked, went to the chiropractor...my back is killing me...then went to the lenten service at church. I got home and went upstairs to bed and put the TV on. It was snowing so baseball practice was cancelled for my older son.  When he showed up early, I yelled at him to come up and see me and he jumped on the bed and we watched TV together.  Just him and me and George Lopez.  Funny show and funny teenager.  Good stuff after this week of ups and downs.

So now it is the end of Thursday.  My sister is visiting from NY tommorrow and I am very excited.  We will eat, drink and probably watch the boys play baseball.  I can count on that in my world during April, May and June. 

I'll try not to hit anymore dogs, not worry about my aches and pains, and enjoy my sister.  As I experienced this week, you never know when it is your turn for health issues or adversity...and at one point or another, it will be my turn.  And that's just gonna be what it is.  I hope I can handle it with grace and bravery but at this point, I am not sure...and that's OK.

We'll tawk again soon,
I love you all and have missed you,


Elizabeth said...

I went through a very similar experience a couple of years ago and got to the extra ultrasound stage before being told by the doctor (she just poked her head in the door, while I was planning my funeral) that it was only a cyst. See you next year.

I, frankly, don't know how we do what we do -- this world is so crazy and we're right smack in the middle of it.

Hang in there --

Lo said...

So glad you escaped!

Now go and enjoy the moment.

Ms. Moon said...

Oh, I can relate to this so much! I am at the age where EVERY mammogram gets a call-back. Senior tissue. SENIOR TISSUE! They even called me back on a pap once- more senior tissue. Could they offer me hormones?
Oh, Terry. I love you so much. Really, that's all I want to say.