I am home. I am back at a job I love dearly. It was my favorite identity after the identity of mother...I think it may even come before wife...maybe.
I started back to work at my local home health/hospice on Tuesday. I spent a half day learning what is new since I was there four years ago...when my soul was tired. There are new computers, and machines and ways to access ports for chemo...new companies that you call for supplies and different ways to have them delivered. I was stunned, "Have them delivered?" I said. Yes, things have certainly changed.
I got a tour of the new building...it is beautiful and very different from the office that I worked at before. I walked from office to office and got introduced...and each person either said, "Welcome back" or the one that touched me the most, "Welcome home."
I was pretty happy about being back but a little nervous about the new things...I am older and slower than I was four years ago. Then I went out on a visit with one of the nurses that I have known for years. She is one of the finest nurses that I have the pleasure to work with.
We pulled up to the house and she gave me the scoop on the patient in a very professional way. We grabbed the computer and knocked on the door. I could see through the door that the daughter's face was strained. As she opened the door and looked at this nurse, her face relaxed into a smile with relief written all over her face. Her father needed help and we had come at just the right time. I could sense the chaos in the house. This nurse walked into the bedroom and began to work her magic. All at once, the patient was in bed and being made comfortable. Good, I thought, I would have done that. Then, then next thing this nurse did made my heart sing. She sat down next to this lovely man's bed, locked eyes, grabbed his hand and began to talk to him about what he was feeling. "Are you hurting anywhere?" she said. She went through the litany of questions and he answered all of them. Finally, with a peaceful and kind face, she asked him, "what can we do for you right now?"
The exchange was why I love being a hospice nurse...in a nutshell. To have the honor to care for human beings when I can use my gifts of compassion and love. I was so moved by it all and so glad that my soul had healed enough to do this again. It is what I am supposed to do.
I went to work today and there was a death. I had the honor to attend it. It was a "good" death. Let's face it, death is never good. We always think we are ready and that we will do fine and then that person that is part of our lovely quilt of life is no longer with us. Yes, we have memories and they are in our heart and lovely things like that but in the beginning, it is hard and that is that. But this lovely woman was older and she had a lovely family that cared beautifully for her. They loved her until the moment she was gone. She was peaceful, with her family and just went to sleep. Doesn't get too much better than that.
I can only hope to be in a beautiful space with my family around, in no pain, loving them until the moment I am no longer here. That would be ideal and that is my wish.
The week has been a good one. I have started a job that feels like home, had a quick visit with the Queen that included a dinner with hummus (I love that stuff) , spent time with my sons that I treasure, picked up a tux for the prom tommorrow, ordered a corsage for his girl, shopped at Costco, got crickets for the leopard gecko, and made it to my kickboxing class along with two aerobic classes this week. Is my house clean? No and I must say, with the way I am choosing to live my life...it is not going to be too clean for a long time. But, I feel content and lucky...to feel like I am making a difference in my home as well as in the community. For me, that is what it feels like to really be home.
So I lift my glass of pink wine to all of you,
For the difference we make in each others lives,
For the reminder to live a moment at a time because we have no guarantees,
For the love of families and friends,
And for a good death...may we all have one!
We'll tawk tommorrow,
I love you all,