I woke up this morning feeling out of sorts...the old "I don't want to get out of bed" feeling. I had that many mornings last year but not too many this year. I think its the juggling act that I have been maintaing for a week or so now. I am being mom, trying to keep the house in some kind of order, consulting on business number 2, and have some patients that I wish I didn't have to care for. This week feels like treadmill where I need to get off but can't.
I am watching a lovely woman fade away before my eyes. It's happened before and I can handle it but some people immediately go straight to my heart and stay there until they are gone. This is one of them. She also has none of the rationalization points for me to survive this job. So I go to see her daily and wish she was stabilizing for a while but I don't think we are getting this luxury. Her cancer is winning and as much as I believe she is going to a better place, her family and I would like her here for a bit longer...Makes me sad.
So to start the day, I am out of sorts. I was thinking about going to kick boxing but I still have that bum achilles and the only thing I can do is spin...No spinning today. That's fine really because I can wallow a little longer and then get going.
The kids are good. The boys...plus my husband went down to the Rescue Mission on Monday night and served dinner. It was cold out and the place was packed with dudes that had every possession they owned tied on their back. One of the guys told me I was beautiful...I was flattered. I take that when I can get it.
I better get going. The day waits before me and I don't have any more time to wallow. There are dressings to change, meds to increase, toe nails to cut and heart to hearts to have...that's what I do and some days it takes all I have to muster up the energy. I guess today is one of them.
Tonight, instead of juice, I may spend some time talking to my friend, pink wine, while I record the day in my computer...or maybe not.
We'll tawk tonight,
I love you all,