Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The old gray mare....she ain't what she used to be!

I think I pulled a muscle in my stomach...really.  I know what you are thinking...it's a miracle that she even has stomach muscles...right?  Well, you are right...and I don't have much in the way of stomach muscles but come on...pulling one?  I walked around yesterday bent over because I couldn't stand up straight.  That ache was added to the stiff neck so I couldn't turn my head to the right without pain and the middle of my back between my "wings" was sore too.  Oh, and then there are my knees...always aching for some reason or another.  I hate to complain but what is the deal...why at 46 have I totally fallen apart?

I look at my face and think I am looking at someone else.  The wrinkles on my face are taking over...and there is no cream in the world to fix it.  I was not born with good genes as far as the skin goes.  Yeah, I guess smoking in my 20's didn't help that either.  My teeth are moving forward in my mouth...kinda like they have decided to leave through the front door.  Even the dentist offered to sand off the bottom ones because they look like "snaggle teeth"...and by  the way, have you considered whitening?  I swear to you that is what he said.  After I got over what he said I had to laugh because he is so right...they could use some work.

Then there's the whisker on the chin...I don't ever notice it until it is an inch long and getting in my coffee in the morning.  I look in the rear view mirror to back up and almost lose my breath when I finally notice this long thing.  I always tell my husband he should tell me when I am growing a beard... but I guess his eyes are going too...but he  still looks good.  What is with that?  I go to the gym, try to eat well and he looks good.  He is gray and wrinkled but he looks cute, even distinguished with them and me...well, you know.

I am trying desparately to hold on to some semblance of youth and it isn't working.  I play softball in the summer but I can't see to catch or hit the ball anymore.  Oh, and forget about running.  It's like I am pulling a trailor to get around the bases.  Not funny!  I also have been on my snowboard this season.  It was fun and all but I can hardly get my big rear end up when I buckle the binding.  Last week, I got stuck in some deep snow and it took me an hour to move to a different place.  I was flopping around on the hill like a fish out of water.  Let's just say, no one stopped to help me because they couldn't stop laughing long enough.  When I finally got out of the hole I was in, my coat was up around my neck and I was freezing.  It took me a couple of days to recover...and by recover I mean being able to walk down the stairs without commenting how painful it was with each step.

Oh and the LGN (Look Good Naked) boot camp...forget about it.  I go every morning and sweat and huff and puff and for what?  I am exhausted, sore and not any thinner.  Let's face some real facts...I didn't look good naked in my 20's so we can forget about the 40's.  I talk to friends of mine about this and they ask...is it menopause?  No... not yet...but let's just say, I can't wait to be invited to that party. 

I am just in middle age...although I don't want to be.  I am trying desperately to stay young.  The media says "Use it or lose it" but that philosophy is not really working for me.  I guess there really is no alternative so I will still try new things, dance more, eat too much and then eat nothing, buy tons of different face creams hoping for a miracle, enroll in the latest yoga, boot camp or what ever comes along that promises me an increase in energy.  I also think this spring I will give softball another try. It is fun at the time.  I say so what if  I'm sore and I'm tired.  I can also bet you I will never look good naked again either...but I guess I will keep going and  just turn off the lights!

Well, that's my complaining for today...of course there is more but I will spare you.
Have a great night,
We'll tawk later.


Amy McClure said...

I almost ran over Santa yesterday in front of Aspen Perk. He stepped out from between two cars and that about did it for the old guy. Since I was driving entirely too fast for a parking lot, I slowed down, rolled down the window and aplogized. He says, "No problem. I should pay more attention. Have a treat." He holds out a bag of candy so I take a peppermint and thank him. Santa could have been pissed, so I'm grateful he chose to be kind instead. Then he says to me, "I'll be here till Friday. You should come back. Bring the grandkids." I tell him that sounds great and start to drive away. Wait. What? Grandkids? Are you kidding me?! I consider backing over Santa, but remember that orange is really not my color and jumpsuits have never looked good on this body. But, grandkids. Really? It is hell getting old.

idriveskj said...

Thanks for the laughs!! Just wait until you are 52 and can't find either pair of your glasses - luckily the display on the treadmill is LARGE!!
Merry, merry my friend!

Sandy said...

Terry, I am laughing my head off! You are so freakin' FUNNY! God I love you! And Amy, you have the same gift. You almost ran over Santa, and then he slams YOU. Don't think he didn't know what he was saying.

Holy crap, if middle age is this funny with you two in my life, I say BRING IT. We'll laugh those wrinkles away. So glad you started this blog, Terry. I feel younger already.

Ms. Moon said...

Hey hon. Enjoy the now. And get back with me in ten years.