Friday, February 11, 2011

"What the frick" Friday...

It is Friday and I am naming this post "What the frick...Friday".  We really try to keep the profanity in the house down because I would be the worst offender.  So when we need to use it...we blend...like for "BS" we say Bolshivik, or for S...load of work, we say shload...but I digress.

I worked  yesterday...I taught a class and did some consulting.  It was in Colorado Springs so it is kinda far.  I get a call while I am driving from my husband..."I am headed to the Indian ocean to dip my feet in and then to the airport"...yeah, so...I think..."Well that sounds good...how long is your flight home?  He tells me it is 16 hours to Newark and then another 4 on to Denver.  Why would anyone fly to a place that takes that long, something is really wrong with him.  We are in the 20th or is it the 21st century...we have skype..."Good luck on  your flight, call me when you get into the US", I say and then I think...Great, he is going to be useless and I will be in Florida...we are going to have teenagers running wild. "Love you...Love  you too. Bye"

I had set up to meet my oldest for teacher conferences at the high school.  I already knew what to expect since we have the handy-dandy parent portal plus...I haven't seen a whole lot of movement in the school area since before Christmas.  Needless to say, I needed him to sit with me in the classroom to prove that it was all his fault that he was flubbing and that I wasn't a bad mother...I mean, that's the point of parent teacher-conferences,  right?  And of course, his father is a big cheese...traveling "out of the country"...(I like to say it like Thurston Howell III from Gilligans Island) ..."out of the country lovie."  So, I am sitting at the high school people watching...hoping at this point that I don't see anyone I know, when the phone rings.  "Mom, I put the jeep in the ditch but we just dug it out and I am on my way"...you better be, you little dope, "Okay, be careful...I am waiting in the commons for you."  Forty five minutes pass and still no sons...now I am getting mad...and my phone rings from home.  I am going to kill these boys..."Mom, I put it in the ditch again by the neighbors and I can't get it out".  He is on the verge of something...I can tell he is upset. "What do you want me to do?" maintain calm, be calm, don't yell, Terry..."Can we use Dad's tractor to pull it out?"  I have visions of them crushing each other trying to pull the car out, pulling off the front or back bumper, but all I can think of is...I gotta talk to these teachers so he can graduate from the 11th grade and move out when he is 18...as Stephen Covey teaches in the 7 Habits..."Begin with the end in mind"..."Ok be careful and call me when you get it out."  Then I say, "Now who are  your teachers?"  You are a terrible mother...you don't even know who his freakin' teachers are...He tells me the four I need to see and the other 2 classes, "I'm doing ok in those so you really don't need to see them".  Oh, but I do, because those are the ones I will hear how wonderful you are/I am, right?

I visit all four and they smile when I tell them who's mother I am and then they start in..."Oh, he's a great kid"...and...it's kind of all the same,  actually since first grade.  In first grade, Mrs. Thompson kept him in from recess to make him do the work he couldn't sit still and do which was not really helpful.  Well, news flash...he is almost 17 and it is still hard to sit still and I am 46 and I can't sit still to have my hair cut.  The nut, literally, doesn't fall far from the tree.  

While I am listening to the teachers...my neighbor calls and tells me we need a tow truck to pull the car out.  "It's too slippery and the boys are on the way home."  Now, I may be old but I am not stupid.  These boys are gonna get that car out of the ditch if they have to shovel every bit of snow around it.  They ain't gonna have me, their mom, call a tow truck.  I call home and no one is there...they are working on the jeep.  Well, I think, my oldest can drive a big tractor or pull people out of ditches for a living...at least that will get him to move out!  I see all the teachers, get them on my side to ride my son about his study habits and finally call home.  My oldest answers, almost giddy, "Hello, oh, hi mom, yeah, we got it out, you would be so proud of your youngest son...he came up with the geometry to get it out with the tractor" to which I reply "You better be doing homework...you have a ton of missing assignments", "I know, I was looking right now".  I think he expected me to unload on him but I thought I would just let it go and see what happened.  Plus, I am too old and tired and it was after my bedtime.

I got home with lovely dinner from the grocery store...Fried chicken, fake mashed potatoes, mac and cheese and rolls and you would have thought I made filet mignon.  "Wow, mom, thanks for dinner, this is pretty good".  I had to laugh because it was terrible, really.  Then my oldest said, "I am surprised you are not mad at me" to which I replied " I am too to be honest...but I'm not" "but you better do better in school or I will take away every privilege you could ever dream of"  and then I think, I'm sure I'll be able to follow up on that one..and he says, "OK mom, I will".

Secretly, I am very proud of these boys...I really am.  They are pretty self sufficient.  They take care of each other.  They are respectful and if you ask them 100 times to do something...on the 101st...they do it.  And, the car is not in the ditch, the dogs are in, and books are open on the table.  Oh, and I am going to Florida in less than 48 hours to relax!  What more can a girl ask for?

Happy "What the frick...Friday!"
We'll tawk later,
I love you all,


Elizabeth said...

I've said it before, but I am not only happy but GRATEFUL to have found your blog -- for the laughs, for the insight, for reading, a bit, of what my life might be when my nine and twelve year old boys get a bit older. (And I'm still older than you, now, which will make me REALLY old, then!).

Terry Joy said...

@ Elizabeth...thanks so much for the kind words. I think I have learned that if you can have a sense of humor...you don't kill anyone...just think about it alot. Enjoy those boys now too...it helps when they become full fledged teens!
Take care,

Ms. Moon said...

Terry Joy, you are a FUCKING GREAT mom.
And damn- you are a great fucking blogger too.