Monday, March 7, 2011

Who deems perfection? It's about love...

Busy weekend...lots going on and lots to digest...including too much food.  But...I have been thinking about a few conversations that I have had over the weekend.  They had to do with perfection.  "It sounds like you have the perfect life"..."they all have perfect bodies" and so on.  Perfect schmerfect...I say. 

I spend at least 3 mornings a week at a gym with women who are amazing.  They have bodies like I have never seen before.  I usually stand in the back of the room and marvel.  I watch their rear ends, their shoulders, how they have these little waists and lovely breasts.  They wear beautiful work out clothes and don't have a bulge or ripple anywhere. They also have these beautiful faces that don't show a wrinkle and they are strong.  They can do push ups, pull ups and practically hold a plank the whole class.  Oh my...it is a feast for my eyes...just think about men in the class.  I would say, those gals have the closest bodies to a perfect one I have ever witnessed.  If I  had a body like that...I would get a tattoo, pierce my belly button and wear spaghetti straps in zero degree weather.  I would...I would!  But to hear them talk...they need to lose weight, get stronger, have smaller boobs, bigger boobs, better skin and a smaller rear end.  They are not satisfied with the work they do or how they look.  They are searching for the perfect body...

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of reconnecting with my niece.  She is off in a foreign land and sounds great.  We were catching up on who has done what and what is going on in our lives.  After one of my comments, she said "It sounds like you have the perfect life"...and I was surprised at that comment.  Not because I don't have a great life complete with ups and downs and all arounds...but the concept of a perfect life.

What is a perfect body...a perfect life?  Interesting food for thought.  

I think a perfect body is one that you can live with.  It is one that can do the things you want it to do and if it can't then...learning to live with it.  Would I love to be thinner and stronger without wrinkles...who wouldn't?  But I must say...my body is my body.  It is the only one I have.  I have no choice.  I can want someone else's body but it does me no good.  I can try to make it thinner and stronger and wrinkle free...and believe me, I do...but in the end, I got what I got.  Is it wrong to look at those ladies and admire them?  I don't think so... and sometimes I will just have to say...you have a beautiful body or point out to another women the beauty of her arms, rear end, stomach, etc because I am so in awe.  These gals work really hard and I think at my age...I admire any body..male or female that looks strong and healthy. But...perfection...can't do it anymore.  I can't.  I want to be able to enjoy movement, food, drink and laughs without thinking I don't measure up.  It's doing the best with what you got and then accepting what is.  I do not like that I have giant varicose veins or dry elbows that always look dirty...but what is the solution?  You got one?  I don't...except to accept what is.

The perfect family thing is interesting too.  When I was a kid, the perfect family was on TV.  There were a few.  That was nowhere near how my family operated.  Not even close.  Guess what?  We all turned out okay.  Are there things we all would have done differently...sure. 

What is a perfect family these days?  Is a mother and father and two kids that never fight and never get in trouble?  Is it two mothers and no father or two fathers and no mother?  You tell me?  My concept of a perfect family has nothing to do with who is who or what their role is.  I think it has to do with feeling loved by your partner, parents and a home that is a soft place to land when life gives you what it gives you.  I think it has to do with relationships that are loving, positive and real...the good, the bad and the ugly.  It's being who you are and letting the people in your family be who they are...that's it.  Sure lot's of money is good, I understand, but I have been in both places and neither time do I remember the stuff I bought.  I remember the love I gave and recieved. 

It always comes down to love.  It does.  Love yourself, love your neighbor, love your enemy and I would say...love people for who and where they are.
If love was the first choice in all situations...Imagine if my husband is mad at me and begins to yell...or my teenager and I are getting ready to go toe to toe...instead of getting our hackles up to really giving it to each other...grab their hand and start with..."I love you" and wait for one minute and breathe...what would our arguments look like?  What if you went to the mirror after you put on those tight pants and looked you in the eye and said, "I love you" and waited and breathed...then went on to put on makeup?   I think it could change alot of our day to day interactions...I know it would change mine.

It comes down to love...
What if...
We'll tawk tommorrow,
I love you all,


Ms. Moon said...

I think the idea of perfection as we usually define it is crippling. I see so many families who, when comparing their own normal, messy family to what they think a family should be, feel completely inadequate and like failures, when, in fact, in my experience at least, everyone usually manages to grow up and be okay. Everyone has problems. Hell. EVERYONE! It's so easy to focus and what "should" be-whether bodies or relationships or families and forget how amazing and wonderful our own imperfect lives are.
Yay, Terry! Yay for you!
I just adore you!

Lo said...

As usual, Ms.Moon has said it better than I can so I will just say amen to her comment and also to tell you that you have written a beautiful and insightful post.

Elizabeth said...

Lovely thoughts and ruminations -- and I agree with all of them. I think so much of that dissatisfaction, too, comes with taking life, taking oneself, our temporal bodies, all that is so impermanent so seriously, too seriously. Having a sense of humor about oneself, about one's family, about life is perfect, to me.