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Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Wishes...

While I was cleaning the kitchen for the gazillionth time in my life, I made a wish...I wish I didn't live with a bunch of slobs.  Then as I walked past the back door, I made another wish...I wish these dogs didn't run away all the time, sometimes I even wish we never had them.  The afternoon went on like this and I was trying to be aware of all this wishing I do.  I wish alot because I think alot...I think.  As I continued this conversation in my head, I decided to think about what I wished for that I wished I hadn't wished for...do you have that?  Crazy, huh?

I remember when my kids were little and I used to have the same wish around 5pm every evening.  I was making dinner with one in the high chair, one pulling everything out of the cabinets and one telling the other one to stop with a loud voice.  I would look over and think...I wish they would grow up and I won't have to do this every stinkin' night.  Well, they did grow up a bunch  and some nights it's just me.  I wander around the kitchen wondering what to do.  I wished my husband and I  had more money, time, looks and a better relationship.  After 22 years, we tend to spend every dime we make, we have no more or less time than anyone else, he looks good, I look like Barbara Bush and we are big buddies along with being husband and wife.  So really, on that wish, if I had to re-wish, I would wish I didn't waste another minute of time on those things.  I remember wishing that  my son/daughter/dog/cat were different than they are...that they would be better athletes, more social, more into boys/girls, be invited to more parties, not poop in the house, be trained better, not scratch the couch, etc.  You name it, I looked at other folks families and pets and wished mine was different.   I remember being a kid thinking that I wished my parents didn't fight so much or that they didn't drink so much.  Well, I am a drinker and a fighter so I come by those traits genetically and have tempered them somewhat but...we are who we are.  I used to wish I was prettier, thinner and smarter...well, if I was, I would have a different life with a different man. 

"We are who we are"...or "It is what it is".  Those sayings sound cliche and at times they are.  But I am closing in on 47 and in my head am still the same 4th grader who couldn't stop long enough to go to the bathroom and I would wet my pants.  Well now at my advanced age, I hate to stop for gas on the way home so I run out of gas alot and because I don't stop, I have to pee and can hardly walk in the house.  I can tell you now that even my kids will say, "Mom, do you have to go to the bathroom" when they see me dancing around.   I wished those traits would go away, that my brain would slow down, that I could do one thing at a time but you know what...those wishes never came true and really I am thankful for alot of my craziness.

Oh, and It is what it is...really.  We can wish for all kinds of things and wait for them the happen or we can be who we are and deal with the situation at hand.  As I sit here thinking about how to wrap this up with a  neat and tidy ending along with some uplifting advice...I realize I am still wishing about life instead of being right here, right now.  Don't they say the first step to recovery is recognizing there is a problem?

Right now,  I wish this wishing problem would go away....
We'll tawk later,
I love you,
Terry

1 comment:

Ms. Moon said...

Ah baby. We spend so much of our time, wishing it away.
We could all heed your advice.