Like I said in the past few blogs...I am alot of things. I used to be pretty proud of being a mom. Well after today, A good mother would have never done what I did...oh well...la..di..dah!
My husband has been gone since Sunday....traveling the globe doing neat things and drinking good beer or so it seems. I have been keeping the home fires burning or shall I say keeping the house from burning down. My oldest son is involved in a church leadership group that sometimes travels. My son is 16. When he told me he was going to California, either a) I thought it would never happen or b) I was drunk. Either way, today was the day he needed a ride to the airport. "OK"...I said, "What time do you need to be there?" "Around 10". So I planned my morning to take him to the airport thinking...he is growing up, he can travel alone and do a good job...he is a better traveler than me. We left the house in plenty of time and had breakfast on the way. We headed for the airport. "Which airline?" I asked...."I think Southwest"...you think Southwest...We get into the terminal and he looks at the screen and obviously doesn't know where he is going. "Where you going?" I ask. "Uh...I think we are going to Oakland or Sacramento, but they aren't on the screen". Now I am thinking, what is wrong with me...I don't even know where the my kid is going and really I don't even know what he is going to do. So now I am getting a little nervous..."text Pastor Paul and make sure it is the right day"...I say..."and ask where you are going"...to which he replies, "Mom, chill, I am going to a Jesus camp somewhere in California...it will be fine". Yeah...fine. "I really can't believe you are letting me go...you don't even know where I am going and what I am doing" he responds, "but Thanks!" I say to myself..what is wrong with you...a good mother would never do this but there is no turning back now...So for another 45 minutes, we sit and people watch as we wait. I spend alot of time looking at folks and the voices in my head are yelling at me...What is wrong with you...he is 16 and you are just letting him go...what IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He looks over and says..."there he is...I gotta go...love you mom...I will try to text but I probably won't have service so...talk to you Sunday" and he was gone. In line, checking in and going to his gate. I leave the airport and drive home thinking about the days gone by. The days when I would ask the parents of his play dates if they owned a gun. The days when I drove him to houses of folks I didn't know and pushed my way into the kitchen to talk if I felt that twinge of wierdness. As you can see, those days are gone. I put him on an airplane to California with people I don't know and 40 bucks in his pocket. I didn't talk to the adults on the trip...(If there were any)...I guess you could say I do know "of" one. Wow, have I changed...A good mother would have checked this out before or would have known all the details. A good mother would have offered to chaperone and write the devotion for the group. Well. guess what? I lost my "good mother" card and I can't seem to find it. Actually, I had it a little longer than I thought I would. I was thinking they were going to revoke my "good mother" card when my youngest showed up at dinner the other night with a liter of mountain dew and poured it into a wine glass. "What are you doing" I said and "where did you get that?" "Don't worry, Mom, it's diet" and he poured it into the glass.
So as far as I know, my "good mother" card is gone...and if it is...take the "good wife" and "good pet owner" card with it. I struggle with all of those cards, if you want to know the truth. Enough is enough trying to be good at everything. I am going to change my focus...I want to be a good dancer, a good partier and a good eater. The rest I am going to let go. It's a new year right....so there!
We'll tawk later,
PS: He made it to Ontario, LA wherever that is...in good order. Apparently, they are going to a camp to do leadership and there are adults. So, I am asking for my "good mother' card back if I remember to pick him up from the airport...we'll see!